We talk to our children about values, money and planning for the future – but how many of us have had those same conversations with our parents?
As they grow older, many of us begin to wonder if our parents have everything in place. Are they financially secure? What happens if something goes wrong? Do we know what matters most to them and do they have a plan not just for ‘one day’, but for how they want to live now?
These questions aren’t always easy to raise. But they are some of the most important conversations we’ll ever have as families. For many families, money is still a taboo topic. Too often, it’s only discussed when there’s a crisis. And for our parents’ generation in particular, money can carry deep emotions – pride, fear, guilt or uncertainty.
Adult children often don’t know the full picture of their parents’ finances or plans. With families increasingly living in different cities or countries, it becomes even harder to offer support or step in when needed. And without open dialogue, misunderstandings or conflict can arise later on.
But these conversations aren’t only about preparing for the worst. They’re about helping your parents feel seen, supported and secure, so that they can live well now and into the future.
The first step is to approach the conversation with care. It’s not about taking over, but listening – really listening – to what your parents want. Including siblings or other family members in the discussion can help ensure that expectations are clear and everyone is on the same page.
You don’t need to cover everything in one sitting. Start gently and create space for your parents to share what they’re comfortable with. Some of the key questions to ask include:
- Do you have a valid and updated will? Who are the executors?
- Where do you keep your important documents like wills, powers of attorney, bank details, passwords, living wills or letters of wishes?
- Have you appointed someone to make decisions on your behalf if you’re no longer able to?
- Have you discussed your medical care wishes? For example, resuscitation, life support or long-term care?
- What kind of legacy would you like to leave?
Check the numbers
On the financial side, it’s helpful to understand whether your parents feel confident in their current position:
- Do you feel secure about having enough for your needs?
- Are you comfortable with your budget and how your money is working for you?
- Is your financial plan still relevant to your life stage?
- Do you have sufficient medical aid, gap cover or provisions for long-term care?
- Are you working with a financial planner and would you be open to introducing them to the family?
Starting these conversations early allows time to find solutions and make adjustments if needed. It also helps prevent rushed, fear-based decisions in a crisis, like cashing out investments too soon or holding onto underperforming assets for too long.
For many parents, the instinct is still to save ‘just in case’, even when they have enough. They’ve spent decades looking after others, putting themselves last. But this is their time. One of the most powerful outcomes of these conversations is being able to say: “It’s okay to spend. It’s okay to enjoy what you’ve worked for.”
Be mindful of meaning
This is also the time to talk about what brings your parents joy, meaning and purpose. What does a good life look like for them now? What have they always wanted to do but never made time for?
And then there’s the role that work has played. For many, it’s been more than a job, it’s been identity, structure and meaning. Retirement can feel like a loss if not reimagined with purpose. Help your parents consider what they’re retiring to, not just what they’re retiring from. Could they mentor others? Learn something new? Volunteer? Travel?
Of course, some of the questions we need to ask are harder. But they’re necessary. What if one partner passes away? What if one becomes ill or needs frail care? Would they want to move or remain in their home? What does ‘support’ look like to them in later years?
When families talk openly, these questions become less daunting. The greatest gift you can give your parents (and yourself) is peace of mind. That comes from knowing plans are in place and their wishes will be honoured.
If you need help navigating these conversations, a trusted financial planner can guide the process. They can bring objectivity, ensure that nothing important is overlooked and help balance the emotional and practical aspects of later-life planning. Start small. Listen first. Ask with kindness. And remember that these aren’t just conversations about money, they’re conversations about living well.
Text | Kim Potgieter, certified financial planner, coach and author
Photography | Fizkes
For more information, visit www.charteredwealth.co.za
